You can't judge a man, until you've walked a mile in his shoes

I tend to disagree, I think that looks like a hysterical practical joke. Of course it's only funny if you do it to someone you dispise, but no worries for me; that list is longer then Santa's :P

So today has some activities planned. Some are hurrays!!! Others are Boo-urns!!!

Hurray side, I should finally get to pick up my glasses today. Finally! I would really enjoy being able to see things far away and have vision that doesn't scare me to drive with. That'll be nice. Plus I'll get to set up a contact lens meeting. I have to get special ones cuz I have a stigmatism. It's funny, I got glass in grade 6. I seen that optomistrist for years, right up untill I left town in '03 and the man never ever told me about it. And to make it funnier, he told my dad he did have one. Dad goes to the optimoligist to get cataract surgery done, and according to this man....my dad doesn't have one at all. Makes ya wonder.

Boo-urns side, appointment with my therapist Paulette. I don't want to be a bitch, I understand that she is there to help, and that she is trying to. The problem is her method and demenour. She's just so gruff and agressive and serious. I made her smile once and was surprise her face didn't shatter from the strange contortion it was making. I just always get the impression from her that she doesn't trust me. You know? Like she's had people in her care with my disorders and so now she thinks she knows exactly what they make me. She just makes me feel really awakward and uncomfortable in her presence. She won't even let J sit in on the appointments. I think that's stupid. My pyschitrist and regular Dr, don't mind. So who the hell does she think she is? I have news for her, those 2 are way higher up on the totem pole of the medical feild. If they don't care, really you have no place to such a bitch about it. Hell she got mad cuz J made a phone call for me to cancel an appointment cuz he had the extra time on his hands to do so. For some reason that pissed her off and was "unacceptable," she will only deal with me personally. *Cough* Bitch *Cough* She's just getting off on the power trip of bossing around the mentally ill. Fucking Sicko.

I don't know what to do with myself now. I'm outta bed, showered, have been assulted by my kitten a few times.....now what? I'm just so fricken bored. Plus I have the added "excitment" of getting to see my "best friend" Paulette. Whoo!

For any of you out there who care, I tried to off myself yesterday afternoon. Obviously it didn't work. I have been a fucking train wreak since May, and I finally snapped. So don't get on some anti-suicide high horse with me. I know it's not the answer, but you have no idea what it's like to live with the disorders I do. You have no idea what it's like to have a sick and twisted urge/need/idea that you can't shake. And when you do resist alittle voice pops up in your head and starts encourging you to do it. If you don't he gets mean. He gets demanding and creul. I have named him Jasper. I consider him the bad thing that lives in my head that makes me do things I don't wanna do. If you don't comprehend the need and signifigance of Jasper, that's okay. But don't critize me or judge me for it. Because once again, you guys don't even have the slightest idea of what the life of a Bi-Polar Borderline is like. Plus you have to factor in a whole whack of other diagnosis on top of those 2.

Lator Gators, I'm off to get put together for my appointment of fun fun fun! *wink*