The only time ADHD is annoying

We went to the zoo thing here a few years ago. This is a nice swan we met....not like those jerk geese. But yes I find him/her cute, so they're the picture of the day!

So at the end of the month we're moving back into the in-laws...got saves up that money. And like I was saying this is one of the few times being ADHD is annoying....the packing. It's like it's so hard for me to sit there consumed by an activity I find horribly boring. It's just asking me to get distrac....oooh shiney! See what I mean? :P

So I've been trying to develop a "Go" stradegy and I can't even managed to organize that. I have that simple question we all have to ask ourselves; Where do I start? So Jordan said he'd taking up directions which is good. If he goes and tells me ok go pack this stuff....I"m on it, heh as best as I can be. But ya otherwise, I just get overwhelmed by the stuff and by the task at hand. It's shitty timing for me cause I would have liked to have re-tried school on a more stable basis, but sometimes you gotta grab an oppertunity when it comes your way. You deal with the consiquences while you hit the ground running. Makes like more exciting, be it reckless :D

And remember Gator, you need to be reckless sometimes. Otherwise you're inner child will kill themselves. Then you'll end up grumpy, mean and boring. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy...ok well maybe a couple of them. But to be fair, I think they're inner childeren already went through and did the deed. Oh and to Rebecca, though you'll never see this, a big old FUCK YOU! You don't wanna play the judgement game with me. This tounge maybe born silver but it can also shred you into pieces if you piss me off, and you have, bitch. So if this little sheep, with her "I'm an individual" black framed emo glasses wants a go...I'm game.

Now off to find my damn cell phone....I wanna play tivial pursuit! :D

A neat-o personality test I found!

Haha Picture unrelated. It's just my latest mspaint creation! It's called "The Death Of Pig-Lor."

Link: http://keirsey.com/sorter/register.aspx Sign up is free :)

Your Keirsey Temperament Sorter Results indicates that your personality type is that of the Idealist.

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.
Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.
Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.
Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.
Idealists at WorkIdealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. They are naturally drawn to working with people and are gifted with helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potential both on, and off, the job.
Because you live in anticipation of an exciting future, in your ideal job you will be asked to stretch your imagination on a continual basis. Existing ideas, individuals and groups of people, products, services, and the relationships between these things can trigger flashes of insight about how "what is" might unfold into "what might be." You feel rewarded where you feel free to share your insights with people who encourage your creativity and who support the unpredictable process by which you narrow down the stream of ideas into innovations that are meaningful within the scheme of your personal values. You are likely to be comfortable taking on a leadership role, so long as it doesn’t place you in an arbitrary hierarchy.


I got ENFP from another test I can't find the link too :( But I know mine so I looked it up :D

Idealist Portrait of the Champion (ENFP)Like the other Idealists, Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population, but even more than the others they consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life. Champions have a wide range and variety of emotions, and a great passion for novelty. They see life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil, and they want to experience all the meaningful events and fascinating people in the world. The most outgoing of the Idealists, Champions often can't wait to tell others of their extraordinary experiences. Champions can be tireless in talking with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out. And usually this is not simple storytelling; Champions often speak (or write) in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience, or of motivating others with their powerful convictions. Their strong drive to speak out on issues and events, along with their boundless enthusiasm and natural talent with language, makes them the most vivacious and inspiring of all the types.
Fiercely individualistic, Champions strive toward a kind of personal authenticity, and this intention always to be themselves is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, Champions have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significance to words or actions. In fact, Champions are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape their attention. Far more than the other Idealists, Champions are keen and probing observers of the people around them, and are capable of intense concentration on another individual. Their attention is rarely passive or casual. On the contrary, Champions tend to be extra sensitive and alert, always ready for emergencies, always on the lookout for what's possible.
Champions are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. They are warm and full of energy with their friends. They are likable and at ease with colleagues, and handle their employees or students with great skill. They are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in their company. Champions are positive, exuberant people, and often their confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen.
Joan Baez, Phil Donahue, Paul Robeson, Bill Moyer, Elizibeth Cady Stanton, Joeseph Campbell, Edith Wharton, Sargent Shriver, Charles Dickens, and Upton Sinclair are examples of Idealist Champions
Best Jobs:
People naturally confide in the Champion (ENFP). That's why they make such good mediators, counselors, teachers, consultants, and reporters. Any position that outreaches to others can fit the Champion. They can be columnists, journalists, publicists, copy writers, advertising account executives. In the arts they can be character actors, cartoonists, art educators. If they choose jobs such as restaurateur, be sure that their business sites will be unique and designed for a particular type of customer. Don't be surprised to see them as an inventor. This type of personality wants to experience the whole of life and may change careers more often than many other types. Says Charles, "I've had a number of jobs and when there is nothing left to create, I move to something new. I want my life to be spiced with newness, love, and joy."

This one's for you Ruby <3

So my friend posted a challenge on her blog. Take some time, think, and figure out the good things in you life. The things you enjoy. I'm totally taking her up on it, what with my recent suicidal tendancies. I think it's a great idea. As you will notice I've posted a picture of Disney's Robin Hood. Why? Well it was my favorite movie as a kid, haha my little sister and I watched it so much I can still recite every single word from it, and you better beleive it still is a favorite :)

Alright things that make me happy/greatful to have bothered sticking around :

1-Jordan....I mean I don't know if I'd still be here if it wasn't for him
2-Real friends and family - The people that are there no matter what, regardless of what's going on. That's how real friendship works you both give even if it's hard because that's what you do when you really care.
3- My cats aka the fur babies - In all my time alone in this shit hole of a city it has been my cat Minwu and now little Astaroth that come visit me on a daily basis. They listen to the secrets that I'm too scared to let anyone else hear. Because in the eyes of a pet, there is no judgement just love.
4- Art in it's many forms. Beauty(not just it's typical manifistations) is one of the few things that keeps me going
5- Video games. Hey it ain't deep, but hell we're all allowed to have some fun once in awhile.
6-Colouring. Again, it's simple. But sometimes the best things in life are
7-Traveling. It's been soo long since I've gone anywhere for a real mini vacation. And I miss random road trips with no destination...Jiles thanx for being a big part of that one. I mean if it wasn't for that the Recess Pieces game would have never been invented and we would have never found zombie ranch :D
8-The outdoors. I love nature and spending time in it...except those damned mosiquto's *wink*
9-Surprises. It doesn't have to be a big surprise. Hell it can be a kinder egg, I'm still super excited to get it! :D
10-My Shrink. He's the best, he's helped me in ways I never thought possible. I'll never be able to pay back karma wise the debt I think I owe him for all his kindness, compassion and understanding. He is one of the only people out there who really has an idea of what the landscape of my brain looks like and he doesn't re-coil in horror. Sure you may say it's his job and it is, but if you dealt with the man you'd understand how comforting it is to be treated like an intellegent capable human being. If I could nominate him for some sort of award, I would.
11-Shopping. What can I say? Retail therapy is the best therapy. Haha, and I'd know I've tried enough other forms of it:P
12-Mysteries and the unknown. I love the fact that the world is an endless place to learn.
13-Shoes. Shoes = Love

So I could keep going....which is a really good thing! :D But I'll stop for now. Thanx Ruby, today I woke up feeling horrible and now I think I can make it through today :) You rawk!

So my Gators, next time you feel low....do this. It helps. It's like that ever elusive bandaid for your brain that they don't sell at the drug store!

"Teeter tottering between brilliance and Insanity" - Quote some song that escapes me at this time in the am

So I haven't posted in awhile. I've just been too fucking depressed. I'm not going to get into the details, because they don't matter, but yesterday I was placed under "sucide watch." Yay, right? :P Anyways if you've never been under suicide watch or had to deal with someone who is, it's kind of a tricky thing. On one hand you have to keep an eye on said person, but you have to care enough not to treat the person like they're "nuts." Cause trust me that does tons to make us feel better. It's like "don't worry, you can't catch 'crazy' from a cough or anything." Mental health, still so covered in stigma and misunderstood.

But today I have a point, and it's about something along the samelines but not quite. See there are some hardcore religious zealots out there who will tell you that animals have no soul. Notice I'm not mentioning any one particualar religion as well you find religious crazies in any domination. But yet the animals. I have to ask myself, have these people ever owned a pet? And if the answer is yes, you actually beleive your varied stupid books to common sense? If people have souls....remember einstien thought we did, cuz "energy cannot cease to exist." And we are in essance kinetic energy. So doesn't that put animals under the same category? If human energy can't cease to exist, according to fucking Einstine, then why can animals just cease to exist. You know those religous books are crap, I'll stick with Einstine. He had the ability to think for himself and was an undisputed genius. And if you don't know who he is, please kick yourself in the face, or get a friend to do it, right now :) And if I spelt his name wrong and you wanna rag on the depressed suicidal girl for it, fuck yourself and get the hell off my page. Please let the door hit you in the face on the way out! :D

So I've been noticing the past few days, I've been low. Really fucking low, heh low enough to have to go to the ER and get the lovely "suicide watch" rating. So I've spent alot of time in bed lying down and sleeping as much as possible. Because I'll share a secret with you all, when it hurts really bad you won't be able to find me. I re-coil into isolation from the pain inside of me. It's some unhealthy coping mechinisim I developed many many years ago. So I try to sleep alot so I don't have to feel it. Heh, better then my old method of getting trashed everyday as in a self medicating way. But my kitten, Astaroth that crazy little thing, has been my biggest comfort next to Jordan. It's like I'll fall asleep, wake up to move alittle and he's curled up right next to me snoozing away. He stayed with me all afternoon up untill about 5 yesterday, and today I woke up with him cuddled up beside me. It's like he knows. My old cat Soxy was the same way, she always new when you were in pain. And she'd always jump up on the bed to come see you. For those out there with pets, it really is a comfort.

Anyways, that's why I disagree with the whole no soul policy. For a creature to show such compassion and caring for another proves to me that there is some sort of understanding. So for my kitten to stop fighting with my various limbs and hair, to quietly sleep beside me in some of my darkest hours as of late, says something. To me the message is simple, animals have souls.

Listen to Einstien Gators!