Damn I can't stop listening to Momma Sed

So this is my precious Maynard. *sigh* Seriously if he told me to jump off a cliff I'd probablly do it. See it has nothing to do with a romantic intrest...none at all. So don't jump to that conclusion. You see the lyrics and the messeges that you find in a TOOL song are so deep and so complex that I can't help but to get lost in them.

It's like when I lived with my illness for 11 years, hidding my horrible truth from the world, it was beyond pain. But when Pete told me to listen to these guys, of course I did. Me and Pete have always had the same taste in music. I was fucken blown away. It was the 1st time in my entire life I felt like some out there knew what it felt like to be me. To hurt like I did. Who was as damaged as I was. It was crazy. I litterly felt like Maynard had climbed into my head and took notes and when he got out wrote songs about what he found up there.

It was the first time ever I felt like some understood. Someone knew the pain and the depths it could actully hit. The lows it was capable of. How bad someone else wanted to change to have the strength to over come the seemingly impossible. To ask the question "why the fuck me" "What the hell did I ever do to your damn fucking god to deserve this," but at the same time hold out hope that you could transmuate and change if you held on and kept fighting.

Just knowing that you weren't alone in this made so much of difference. You're not a freak, there are other people out there that are as badly damaged as you are. They have cuts so deep that they will never heal up completely either. But that's okay. That doesn't mean you're not any less important or capable as anyone else. Ya sure, you may be fucked in the head and need brain meds, and ya sure you may have memories that haunt you for the rest of your life. But they only hold you back as much as YOU let them.

I know a song that asks the question "can music save your mortal soul?" And Maynard and TOOL make me say yes, because when I feel really fucking terrible, listening to them has prevented more suicide attempts then I'd rather not discuss.

So I have nothing but love for the guys in TOOL. I know they've saved me from myself so many times then I can count. xoxoxoxo