Is mmmlllla even a word?

Seriously I am losing it. I can't take this. I going way over the fucking deep end....try launching myself off a fucking cliff with a trampoline. I'm just lossing it. I can't just can't take anymore. I wanna say fuck it and go. I don't even care where I just want to disapear. Why can't I just be fucking invisible?

God I can't even kill myself. No matter how hard I try it's quite obvious that it never works. It seems to be that I suck as bed as killing myself as I do at living. There is something funny about that. Perhaps that does make me alittle disturbed, but it's not like that's a surprise.

It's like I can't even fucking focus. I'm on 2 fucking mood stabalizers and you'd think that would be enough to get the job done. NOPERS. Still fucking crazy. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, don't do, whatever, fucked up girl never ceases to disapoint with the next fucking stupid idea. Which of course I always end up doing. Because I just can't seem to help myself. Which doesn't make sense to me. There's a logical, rational part of my brain telling me reason after reason why I shouldn't do this, yet I listen to the other part. The stupid part. The one that says "ya, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it." I really don't understand myself. I'm fucking retarded.

I'm smart enough to know better, but if doesn't seem to make much of difference. It's never enough to cease the stupidity. I don't know I'll either get it one day, or end up killing myself during one of these dumbass things.

Whatever. It was one hell of a ride anyway you look at it.